What I’m Thankful For: Bad Religious Movies
If there is one thing I love — and I mean love — with a blazing passion that burns like wildfire in my soul, it’s bad movies. And not just any bad movies. Bad religious movies. I love them so much I cry. I watch them whenever possible. They fill a special hole in my heart that nothing else can touch.
There are literally dozens to choose from (and believe me, I’ve seen them all), but here are my top 5.
1. Saturday’s Warrior
Oh, Saturday’s Warrior, how do I love thee? Everything about this film (yes, I just called it a film) delights me. The music. The costumes. The cinematography. The dialogue. The choreography. And this (“Zero Population”) is my favorite number. (Please note that whoever posted this video on YouTube calls it “Anti-Choice Propaganda” and refers to Saturday’s Warrior in general as an “LDS recruitment film.” Obviously I don’t share those perspectives and I tried to find the clip from someone who was friendlier, but I couldn’t. Still, let’s be honest: the fact that they called it a recruitment film is spectacularly awesome.)
This evangelical Christian movie (featuring Mr. T!!!!) takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, one in which the Rapture has occurred and the Antichrist has overtaken the global government by installing the New World Order. Let me assure you, the movie is every bit as terrible as the trailer suggests. And THANK GOODNESS it is.
3. The Book of Mormon Movie
This is, quite possibly, THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE. Ever. It is so bad I rewound it dozens of times to watch and re-watch certain parts over and over and over again. Among the most delightfully terrible scenes: when Lehi marries his kids to the sons and daughters of Ishmael in a beautiful (read: creepy) group wedding and then sends them all off to get laid; when Nephi says to Zoram, “You have your free agency: come with us or die!”; the fact that the fruit of the Tree of Life is made of Styrofoam (in fairness, I suppose that Eternal Life is, by definition, non-decomposable); when Sam goes back to try to make amends with Laman and Lemuel but learns they have already become savages, because he discovers them dancing and whooping half-naked in front of a fire.
4. Left Behind
I love all the Left Behind movies for three very good reasons: Kirk Cameron, Kirk Cameron, and Kirk Cameron. Also because they have scenes where they send contraband Bibles to Utah and say things like: “Jeff just got saved.” I hope and pray they make the rest of the series because three is, quite simply, not enough.
Candelight Media Group’s entire canon is worth exploring, what with instant classics such as the modern-day retelling of Alma the Younger in Turn Around and the heartwarming Wasatch Front adaptation of everyone’s favorite fairy tale, Beauty and the Beast: a Latter-Day Tale. But best of all is Rescued. Megan is a wavering Mormon woman stranded on a deserted island with two co-workers: the hot bad boy and the nerdy, faithful one. Whom will she choose? You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, but mostly you’ll laugh, as she makes her own impossible Sophie’s Choice.
What about you? Any favorite bad movies I should add to the list? Do you delight in terrible movies like me, or are you thankful for some other guilty pleasure?
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Posted on November 4, 2010, in Good for Laughs, Gratitude and tagged alma the younger, bad movies, evangelicalism, gratitude, guilty pleasures, kirk cameron, left behind, Mormonism, saturday's warrior, the antichrist, the new world order, the rapture. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.