On Living Through a Crisis of Faith

For H and S.

When you live through a major crisis of faith, everything changes.

You feel fearful when you once had peace.

You experience anger, bitterness, and ostracism when you once felt the security that comes from “knowing.”

You feel like running.  You feel like staying.  You wish you had never asked the question.  You thank God you had the courage to dig deeper.   You long to share everything you’ve learned.  You know you better keep your mouth shut.

Let’s not lie: it’s a difficult and painful process.

Eventually, though, something strange happens.  You begin to put the pieces back together.

The picture looks different, but the frame is the same.

You find beauty in symbolism, where before you knew only literalism.   You experience empathy, where before you felt only judgment.   You learn openness and grace, where before you were closed and hard-hearted.

You forgive easier.  You laugh more.  You see truth everywhere.

It’s a difficult and painful process, but it’s worth it.  It’s worth it.

About Katie L

A doubter by nature, a believer by grace.

Posted on November 17, 2009, in Personal and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Katie, the way you describe it sounds quite a lot like repentance, or conversion.

  2. Rob, I guess that makes sense. What is conversion or repentance but a major paradigm shift? The same with coming through a crisis of faith.

  3. Katie,

    I love the way you approach advice for a crisis of faith.

    It reminds me much of Nyal (from Mormon Expressions) described the trial as walking through a valley to the top of a tall mountain. It’s difficult, and sometimes it’s smooth and sometimes you’re tangled in weeds and brush, but when you finally get to the top of the ridge and look back you have a beautiful, sweeping vista to take in. The hard parts aren’t as noticeable, and everything begins to fit into it’s place in the panorama.

    Both that and this post have given me great wording around and through which I can view my own experience.

    Keep up the great work!

  4. sifting through the madness for the words, the ways, the truths that define us.. and coming out more alive than before; is a beautiful wonderful thing.

  5. Thanks Todd. It really is. 🙂

    I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks, by the way!

  6. http://www.staylds.com

    a friend told me that I needed to check out the above website. I have yet to look at it, but the name alone perks my curiosity.

  7. I’m very familiar with StayLDS. It’s a good resource for people who have experienced a crisis of faith but still want to remain part of the LDS faith community and interact with Mormonism’s belief structure on varying levels.

    Overall, it’s a very supportive and positive online community and something worth checking out. 🙂

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